Relationship problems! i need help.. fast! Please read my story!?

Hi everyone! Hope the New Year shapes out fine that everyone!


Anyway, let me get right 2 the point. I’ve been dating a guy (my second bf) for about 5 months now. We have a wonderful, open, loving and trustful relationship. My problem is that he is rarely emotional with me. I mean, do u know what it is 2 love someone whole-heartedly and feel like they don’t love u the same way in return?? When he’s emotional with me, I feel like I could marry him on the spot! I love it when he talks about marriage with me (he is the one who brings it up). I have no doubt that he wants 2 spend the rest of his life with me. I am a self-proclaimed hopeless romantic and he’s my second boyfriend in my entire life (I’m 20 year old). I need and deserve certain things in our relationship. I have told him about it but he told me that he feels as though I’m trying 2 change who he is. But I have seen a romantic side in him already so 2 me it’s silly when he says stuff like that. I have however agreed 2 put all my needs behind me 2 accommodate him. How do I get him 2 open up 2 me more romantically? I already lead by example… sheesh! Another problem that I have with him is the frequency in which he talks about girls from his past. He assures me that he’s over them but it doesn’t seem like that 2 me. Also, I don’t think that he’s attracted 2 me. He NEVER tells me I’m beautiful or pretty (although I seem 2 hear it a lot from other people) but instead he talks about the attractiveness of other girls. Recently, we went out on a date and I tried so hard 2 impress him. I think that was the best I ever looked in my entire life! Everyone that saw me that day was floored! But as usual, he had nothing good 2 say. Only when I called him later that night he told me, “U know u’re ACTUALLY, KINDA NICE”! I wanted 2 cuss him like a sailor but I’ve told him that I don’t like how he treats me but yet he says he wants us 2 work out so bad and that we are a reality 2 him. I feel like I can’t take it anymore. Another thing is that for a guy with a good job, he never bought me anything! No flowers, birthday present, no Christmas present… NADA! But I’m the one treating him like a king!


Can someone please tell me what 2 do? He is all I have and I want us 2 work out really bad 

Relationship problems! i need help.. fast! Please read my story!?
Hey there, I believe you gave me advice when I asked a question and it sounds like you may need to take your own: %26quot;You Can%26#039;t Change A Man%26quot; no matter how hard you may try. By five months you should already have a since of who the person is. It may take longer for some people or men to express themselves about the people they care about. I think your best bet for if you wish to make the relationship work is truely %26quot;COMMUNICATION%26quot;. If you can%26#039;t talk to your boyfriend and tell him your concerns with him not expressing his emotions or feelings toward you or your looks, you may need to have a little %26quot;sit down%26quot; and talk with him. When talking to him be honest and try to make him understand how you have been feeling. The last thing you want to do is to be in a relationship were you feel the %26quot;glass is half empty%26quot;. All relationships take work, if you truly care for this man you will have to figure out what makes you both happy to make it work out. If after talking to him about your concerns or needs in the relationship and he still continues to ignore you or need to talk about others from the past you may think of moving on and staying friends but only as a last resort.





To me it honestly sounds like you really care for this guy. He may care about you too, but may not be able to telll you the way he feels like you would like him to. Be patient with him if you really care, but don%26#039;t let your issues or concerns with him linger to the point that they fester become the main focus of your relationship.
Reply:my opinion about it is.. You%26#039;re so over him that he is really thinking you would do anything for him.. And I think you do.. but girls can never let the boys know everything that she thinks about him.. So keep it down.. try not to impress him.. just be yourself! Because he%26#039;s like.. she loves me so bad.. so i don;t need to do anything to have her heart.. I have already..





so don;t make things easy like that... And what he wants is you to get jealows about the girls that he%26#039;s talking about.. so.. when he says something, just try not to say anything.. you could be hurt or angry.. but at home.. far away from him!! don%26#039;t let him know that talking about girls bothers you.. because when he wants to hurt you.. he%26#039;ll know how!!





I%26#039;ve been down that road before!!! It worked.. because most of the men are the same... they always wants to be on the top.. I don;t know if you got me.. but I hope so...





good Luck...





If u want to know more about it.. just leave me a message!!
Reply:Hi! What courage you show in asking such important questions. The previous answer worries me. I%26#039;m a 20-year veteran therapist, and all too often couples end up playing these very dangerous games with each other. No matter what he does or does not do, you should always choose the road of integrity. We live in a culture that supports (just like the other answer) %26quot;An Eye For An Eye%26quot;. Don%26#039;t stoop to that.





There are several factors in your story that I want to focus on. First, you really are a %26quot;hopeless romantic.%26quot; That%26#039;s an incredible thing. I am one too! But there%26#039;s alwyas good and bad news about the way we are. Romantics tend to be very sensitive, over-analzye and get hurt too easily. It%26#039;s like we have a heart that%26#039;s so big that it sticks out and is easy to bump into. Our job is to tuck it in as best we can and realize that many things people do aren%26#039;t cruel. Their just not built like us.





Now, just b/c he%26#039;s not built like you doesn%26#039;t mean that he doesn%26#039;t care. It%26#039;s true much of the time that men and women do speak very different languages. There are several books that might help with understanding this. The %26#039;now old classic%26#039; %26quot;Men Are From Mars Women Are From Venus%26quot; is a good start. Also, Gary Chapman wrote a very easy to read book entitled %26quot;The Five Love Languages.%26quot;





The Chapman books outlines 5 love styles. We all have a preferred way of being loved. We also tend to love our partner in %26quot;our%26quot; top love language, not theirs. There%26#039;s two important lessons here -- 1st is that we should work to recognize when our partner is loving us in their love language and acknowledge it. The 2nd thing is to work to love our partner in %26quot;their%26quot; love language. I%26#039;ll bet %26quot;Gifts%26quot; are in your top 3, just based on what you shared. Here are the five:





1) Acts of Service


2) Gifts


3) Touch


4) Words of Affirmation


5) Time





Try to give him the benefit of the doubt. One way you could do this is to monitor him and see which of the top five love languages he shows. Or you can simply have a conversation with him... make a game of it and guess each other%26#039;s love languages in rank order. Much of the time, in my relationship counseling practice, couples that realize and accept that their partner%26#039;s not like they are, do very well.





Be strong with your needs in this relationship. The more self-respect you have, the more he may have for you. So, it%26#039;s important to know what%26#039;s crossing the line for you. Be able to be firm. Romantics can be pushovers sometimes. Don%26#039;t be a pushover. The relationship is young, only 5 months and now is the time to set boundaries around things that I call %26quot;deal breakers.%26quot;





Deal Breakers are qualities in a partner that alert you to know you should get out as fast as you can. If he really is disrespectful and/or takes you for granted only five months into the relationship, I would see this as a red flag. It would need to be addressed firmly. I know that you already have spoken with him about these things, but do so every time you have the need. It%26#039;s also important to watch for improvment and give kudos for changes he makes.





After all, he%26#039;s the one that continues to bring up marriage, right? You must mean a lot to him, even though he%26#039;s not showing it, or you%26#039;re not catching it!





Best wishes,





Dave Turo-Shields





For trustworthy professional advice take a look at http://www.counselingpros.com/compatabil...



visual arts